Anonymous Story #25

 Hi my name is Karla. I'm 13 years old, 5'3 little girl. I'm not gonna say my weight because I'm so ashamed of it. For years now I been having a battle in my head. A battle of what I should or shouldn't eat. A battle of what I can or can't wear. A battle of Food, Weight,Anxiety,Depression, etc.
So my story is:

      Years ago when I was really young I had great parents . It was a good life actually. The only problem was my dad was on drugs. After getting drunk a lot my parents separated  All I knew was I was missing something in my life. So I hit depression while my dad was getting drunk and my mom was cheating. It broke my heart to see that. So I turned my pain towards food and body image. Years passed, my family was together after lots of shit that had happened. I started going to school where girls would be very mean to me, calling me fat, ugly etc. All I would do is cry . I had no friends . No one at all. I was alone so, so I turned to food. I started eating a lot but I would feel so guilty afterwards. I would look in the mirror, crying, hating myself. Then there it was: a never ending cycle called my eating disorder. My mom called me fat; I starved myself to lose weight and I did. Not a lot, but a few pounds. We moved and it all happened again. I was bullied from 2-6 grade. "Your a lesbian " "Fat ass" "Ugly" Fake" "Loser." Everyday. My eating disorder was always there. Not binge eating. Not binging on and on. until I hit 11. I gained lots of weight again up to 145 lbs. My depression hit hard. And then another thing came up: self injury. It was the first time I had cut myself and since then it became an addiction. My family called me fat again; I went on a "diet'' that became extreme. I lost lots of weight and ed kept yelling louder and louder. This one day someone called me fat. My world shut down. I went home sobbing that day, thinking why couldn't I be skinny why couldn't I be pretty. Ever since it was hard for me to look at food. I couldn't resist it. I got full, way too full. Months passed, and I started purging. Everyday I was purging. Every single little thing I ate I purged. My parents were noticing but I kept quite. Years passed . I hit rock bottom year 2012 . My ed was the worst. I couldn't eat. I just couldn't. My mom took me to the doctor. They said I had something. I denied it . My mom forced food on me. I would cry because i didn't want to get fat. Months passed I was always cold it was extremely hard, but I couldn't get away from eating because of my parents so I began to purge again. After everything, even a single apple. One summer I couldn't stop binging and purging. I also over used laxatives  My parents found out about the laxatives  I denied it. My mood was always horrible. I would isolate and scream at anyone who came even a little close to me. Once again I started restricting and purging everything ate. 

Normality

Let's come back with the interesting idea of normality. What is normal, really? Is it truly possible for anyone to be normal? And is normal a really good thing to be?

Here's what I think: In general, I think being normal is completely overrated. We should be happy with whoever we are, regardless of what anyone else says. But if you really want to be "normal," to me it means being healthy, mentally, emotionally, and physically. It means being able to enjoy the beautiful moments of life as well as cope with the difficult days that try to trip you up. Being content with whatever you do is what I think normal is.

In life, however, people don't always look at normal that way. They see normal as being whatever the social norm is at the time, especially teenagers. Wearing Toms and Sperry's or Forever 21 and American Eagle and having an iPhone makes you "normal." Being thin if you're a girl or muscular if you're a guy makes you "normal." If you're a teenager, going to high school and going to parties makes you "normal."

But here's the thing-- Social norms change. You might be "normal" when you follow them one day, but you are "weird" when you continue to follow them a year later. One hundred years ago it was "normal" for women to cover their knees at all times. Now it's "normal" to see much more than just their knees, especially in the summer, but even in the winter. Things change, times change, people change. So why waste all of your time trying to be "normal" when no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to stay there? Nor will you be happy being someone you're not.

Be yourself. Be who you want to be. Love what you do, what you wear, what you work for. All you need to be normal is to be okay with yourself. Do what makes you happy and live life as you want to live it. No matter how "weird" other people think you are, know that you're enjoying your life a lot more than they are. There is nothing more anyone could ever ask of you than for you just to be you. Enjoy it.