Anonymous Story #25

 Hi my name is Karla. I'm 13 years old, 5'3 little girl. I'm not gonna say my weight because I'm so ashamed of it. For years now I been having a battle in my head. A battle of what I should or shouldn't eat. A battle of what I can or can't wear. A battle of Food, Weight,Anxiety,Depression, etc.
So my story is:

      Years ago when I was really young I had great parents . It was a good life actually. The only problem was my dad was on drugs. After getting drunk a lot my parents separated  All I knew was I was missing something in my life. So I hit depression while my dad was getting drunk and my mom was cheating. It broke my heart to see that. So I turned my pain towards food and body image. Years passed, my family was together after lots of shit that had happened. I started going to school where girls would be very mean to me, calling me fat, ugly etc. All I would do is cry . I had no friends . No one at all. I was alone so, so I turned to food. I started eating a lot but I would feel so guilty afterwards. I would look in the mirror, crying, hating myself. Then there it was: a never ending cycle called my eating disorder. My mom called me fat; I starved myself to lose weight and I did. Not a lot, but a few pounds. We moved and it all happened again. I was bullied from 2-6 grade. "Your a lesbian " "Fat ass" "Ugly" Fake" "Loser." Everyday. My eating disorder was always there. Not binge eating. Not binging on and on. until I hit 11. I gained lots of weight again up to 145 lbs. My depression hit hard. And then another thing came up: self injury. It was the first time I had cut myself and since then it became an addiction. My family called me fat again; I went on a "diet'' that became extreme. I lost lots of weight and ed kept yelling louder and louder. This one day someone called me fat. My world shut down. I went home sobbing that day, thinking why couldn't I be skinny why couldn't I be pretty. Ever since it was hard for me to look at food. I couldn't resist it. I got full, way too full. Months passed, and I started purging. Everyday I was purging. Every single little thing I ate I purged. My parents were noticing but I kept quite. Years passed . I hit rock bottom year 2012 . My ed was the worst. I couldn't eat. I just couldn't. My mom took me to the doctor. They said I had something. I denied it . My mom forced food on me. I would cry because i didn't want to get fat. Months passed I was always cold it was extremely hard, but I couldn't get away from eating because of my parents so I began to purge again. After everything, even a single apple. One summer I couldn't stop binging and purging. I also over used laxatives  My parents found out about the laxatives  I denied it. My mood was always horrible. I would isolate and scream at anyone who came even a little close to me. Once again I started restricting and purging everything ate.