Well, I've had self destructive
thoughts my entire life.
Even as a kid I would contemplate suicide, like it was no big deal. I never thought it was a strange thought. Just normal. Like EVERYONE thought
about suicide at one point or another.
I listened to my "voices" and I played with them, taunted them by
hurting myself, starting in 5th grade. But I stopped and didn't start again
until 7th grade. Then again freshman year extending to this year.
My social life? It's a wreck. I hate myself so much that I only feel
accepted by sketchy pot addicted stoners, and thieves, and bullies. I cannot
stand girls so I only really hang out with guys. I'm pretty sure the only
reason I get along with guys is because of my sex appeal, they all want to fuck
me. So they keep me around long enough to where they start to like me
I'm bipolar-ish so before my medication I was either in the best mood of
my life, or I was about ready to jump off a bridge. Now, my mood is usually at
around a 5. because of my mood stabilizers. But god, most of the time, I hate myself to the core of my disgusting
self. I'm a lazy selfish liar. And no matter what anyone tells me I wont believe
any different. I've survived an attempt on suicide, but I'm still struggling.
I'm awake but I'm not alive.
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