Anonymous Story #12

      So here's my story I guess. So it all started when I was in second grade. My uncle touched me and ever since I've always had trust issues. Then in 5th grade I was made fun of a lot. It made me hate school and have constant nightmares. Then when I got to middle school, I was called fat once (overreacted obviously) and was bulimic. I was misdiagnosed with ADD in 6th grade. I was on concerta for about 6 months then my parents took me off it because it wasn't doing anything. I self-harmed for the first time in 8th grade. It was terrifying but the thing is, it didn't hurt. I was so numb that I didn't feel anything. Then freshman year I was diagnosed with depression. I was on medicine (forgot the name) and had a really bad allergic reaction. So I stopped taking medicine. I continued to self-harm up until november of this year. It got pretty bad. I didn't really have friends 8th grade and freshman year so I was always alone. I tried to commit suicide in December. So before I was in the hospital, everything just seemed hopeless. Like everything was downhill. No one liked me, no one cared, and my life wasn't going anywhere. I felt like a disappointment to my family. Like I could never live up to my brother. I know he was the favorite. So I had no purpose. I thought that I'd be helping people if I was dead. One less mouth to feed, one less person to pretend to like. so that's when I decided to swallow a bottle of pills. And then I was in a hospital. The hospital actually felt like a prison. It was SO strict. I had to stick my hand outside my door for them to unlock my bathroom. I was check on every 5 minutes because I was "at risk to myself". At first it was one of the scariest things ever. While in the hospital I had one major break down. It was after my brother called me. I just started screaming "I WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO DIE. I DON'T BELONG HERE. I'M USELESS. I DON'T MEANT ANYTHING TO ANYONE" and I had to be held down and watched for the rest of the night. Everyday was occupied with group therapy and stupid lessons. But in the end it was all very helpful. I was admitted into Linden Oaks. I was there for almost two weeks (which in case you didn't know is really long. the average stay is about 2-4 days). There I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression, and Generalized Anxiety. I was in an outpatient treatment center for almost two months. I went to school every other day for a while. The first day back to school was horrible. I felt so alone still. Outpatient was the best thing I've ever done for myself actually. If it wasn't for all the intensive therapy I wouldn't be alive. I also take a really high dosage of Zoloft. Which is an anti-depressent and anti-anxiety medicine. At school I have an "any-time" pass which allows me to leave class whenever I need. I have some good friends now but I'm still in recovery. I haven't self harmed since December which I think is amazing, considering I think I was addicted. My story isn't that special and probably won't mean a lot to people. But I guess something someone can take from what happened to me, is that things really do get better. So just keep trying. I have to say I am a lot happier than I was a couple months ago. Never give up.